The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
