My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
