im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
