the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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