We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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