I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
