You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
