Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
