Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
