My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
