dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
