and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
