you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
