I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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