im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
