she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
