if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
