video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
