I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize