Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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