Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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