before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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