I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
