i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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