hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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