I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
