Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
