im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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