All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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