Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
