So drunk its hurt
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
