he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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