Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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