Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
