Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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