Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
