I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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