just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wish my penis had a tongue
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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