wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
