i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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