There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
