I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
