On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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