...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
