youre lurking in front of me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
