If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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