You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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