I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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