Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
