goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
