Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
