My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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