Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
