Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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