someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
