the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize