it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
