totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
