he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
