love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
