NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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