I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize