The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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