I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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