Banned from zoo.
Again?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
