I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
