I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
