I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
