Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize