Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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